Taking a parenting class is like buying a really cool bike that hasn't been assembled for you child. The moment they open the box they want to grab the handle bars and run out to the driveway and start pedaling. But they immediately start to realize that they can't use it until much effort has been put into making it work.
After each parenting class I would run home and say, "Ok, here's my new parenting technique, so bring it on kids!" I'd watch my kids, scrutinizing every move so I could find an opportunity to correct. I eventually realized that the bike was missing a bolt here or a pedal there. I'd come back to class somewhat frustrated and with grease all over my face and hands.
Well, all the effort in the world was not going to work if my focus was on what the kids were doing wrong when they got on that bike. I had to look at it differently. I had to stop looking at what was wrong and start helping things go right. I had to stop counting how many times they wrecked and start counting how many they got back up. Even more importantly, I had to start seeing my kids good choices and not wait around for their bad ones.
Now ask any parent who has had to teach their child to ride a bike. Were they running next to their pedaling child to help them fall when they let go? Or were they running next to them to help things go right?
The lesson learned for me is to ask myself when things are going rough in a relationship, am I focused on what's wrong or am I helping things go right?
Friday, April 24, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Book Entry...
Ok, so this is a piece of my story that I'm trying to write. It's very elementary and definitely in the beginning stages, although I have written a lot of the story. I want to put pieces of it on this blog just to bring a more critical eye. I didn't want to put anything from the beginning so as not to take away from the overall story. So this piece doesn't have a lot of description about who the characters are. So here are some tidbits to be of help. Bree is a 13 year-old girl, who tries to be tougher than she is, but just wants an adventure. Danny is Bree's younger sister of 10, who is more of a tomboy but isn't afraid of doing what's right. Kevin is a 14 year-old boy who already knows the value of work and is a friend to everyone no matter what. Brady (also 14) is Kevin's friend who is a self-centered know it all, who wants to be liked. In this chapter, they are about to go check out a forbidden abandoned house. So here is the beginning of Chapter 4...
All through dinner and dishes, Bree felt a tinge of anxiety. But Danny had already agreed to go, so Bree was feeling excited more than anything. Bree waited for Danny by the bathroom door, so when Danny came out Bree was already in her face saying, “You ready?”
Danny shrugged a little unsure and said, “Yeah.”
Bree whispered, “C’mon.” She waved Danny toward her and than tiptoed through the hall and past her dad sleeping on the couch. As she slowly twisted the door knob, Bree heard Danny say to their mom, “We are going to the cottonwood tree by the old Bashford place.” Bree flinched at Danny’s honesty. It seemed so much more adventurous if no one knew where they were going. She waited to hear her mom say something like, don’t go near that house or just stay close by. If she did, Danny would listen and Bree would have to go without her. But lucky for Bree, her mom must have been reading a book because she answered absentmindedly, “Be careful.”
Bree now didn’t care how loud the door opened. She held the door for Danny trying to show her frustration. Danny just smiled and marched out of the house toward the trees.
Danny was feeling excited too because she picked up speed as they ran side by side through the trees. Bree and Danny quickly reached the clearing into the Bashford Estate. As they approached the cottonwood tree they heard voices from high in the tree.
“Check it out,” Brady called from a platform of wood. He stood with his hands out like he just conquered the world. Bree was more then happy to ignore Brady's Napoleon complex.
Kevin was below the wood platform hammering smaller pieces of wood under the platform to keep it in place. He grabbed a hold of one of the pieces and shook it as hard as he could. It didn’t budge so he called to Brady, “I think that’s good.” As Kevin looked down to put the hammer back into his belt, he smiled at Bree and Danny and said, “Hey girls.”
“Hey guys,” Bree answered.
Danny smiled excitedly and said, “Great Idea!”
The trees large trunk stretched straight up into several branches. Three in particular lengthened out into the perfect spacing for the wood platform. The tree would have been impossible to climb if it weren’t for the smaller branches that poked horizontally out every few feet.
As Bree reached up to climb the tree, Danny tugged at her shirt. She whispered, “Let’s get this over with.” Bree and Danny had left the house just before six. The days were getting shorter everyday and Bree knew that Danny had a point.
Bree answered, “Oh, alright.” She called up the tree, “We are going to check out the house before it gets dark. You can just watch us from up there if you’re too scared.”
Bree watched as Brady dropped his hands to his side and looked appalled at such an accusation. Brady yelled, “Yeah right,” as he quickly walked to the side of the platform where a larger branch stood.
Kevin climbed down branches as if he’d done it a hundred times while saying, “I knew the Angle girls weren’t scared of anything, but I gotta say, I’m impressed.” When he reached the bottom he hopped down and turned to Danny and asked, “How old are you anyway, Danny?”
Danny blushed, looked down at her feet, and answered, “Ten.”
Danny looked back toward Kevin as he smiled and said, “That’s impressive!”
Brady was climbing down the tree, obviously trying to look as graceful as Kevin. When he reached the last horizontal branch he leaned out to grab it with two hands. He swung his feet like a pendulum but as he did he lost grip of the branch and landed in a crumpled mess on the ground. He quickly popped up trying to look like he did it on purpose.
Bree rolled her eyes and Danny snorted out a quiet laugh, cupping her hands over her mouth.
Kevin clapped his hands together and asked, “Are we ready?” Then he winked toward Danny who was still trying to control her laughter.
Brady answered, “I’m ready. We should have done this a long time ago.”
Bree rolled her eyes again this time hoping Brady would see her disdain. Once again, Brady the self-centered, Bree thought.
Brady turned toward the house and began walking. Bree, Kevin and Danny followed. Kevin, who was already next to Danny, said, “Let me know if you don’t feel like looking at a stinky old house. I’d rather watch from the tree anyway.”
Bree cringed at the idea of her and Brady having to look at the house together and quickly said to Kevin, “I’ve got her.”
“Either way,” Kevin said as he shrugged. Then he jogged ahead to catch up to Brady.
Danny walked with lightness to her steps and said to Bree, “He’s just being nice. Besides, it’s just a house.”
Bree got a sneaking suspicion that Danny was trying to convince herself.
All through dinner and dishes, Bree felt a tinge of anxiety. But Danny had already agreed to go, so Bree was feeling excited more than anything. Bree waited for Danny by the bathroom door, so when Danny came out Bree was already in her face saying, “You ready?”
Danny shrugged a little unsure and said, “Yeah.”
Bree whispered, “C’mon.” She waved Danny toward her and than tiptoed through the hall and past her dad sleeping on the couch. As she slowly twisted the door knob, Bree heard Danny say to their mom, “We are going to the cottonwood tree by the old Bashford place.” Bree flinched at Danny’s honesty. It seemed so much more adventurous if no one knew where they were going. She waited to hear her mom say something like, don’t go near that house or just stay close by. If she did, Danny would listen and Bree would have to go without her. But lucky for Bree, her mom must have been reading a book because she answered absentmindedly, “Be careful.”
Bree now didn’t care how loud the door opened. She held the door for Danny trying to show her frustration. Danny just smiled and marched out of the house toward the trees.
Danny was feeling excited too because she picked up speed as they ran side by side through the trees. Bree and Danny quickly reached the clearing into the Bashford Estate. As they approached the cottonwood tree they heard voices from high in the tree.
“Check it out,” Brady called from a platform of wood. He stood with his hands out like he just conquered the world. Bree was more then happy to ignore Brady's Napoleon complex.
Kevin was below the wood platform hammering smaller pieces of wood under the platform to keep it in place. He grabbed a hold of one of the pieces and shook it as hard as he could. It didn’t budge so he called to Brady, “I think that’s good.” As Kevin looked down to put the hammer back into his belt, he smiled at Bree and Danny and said, “Hey girls.”
“Hey guys,” Bree answered.
Danny smiled excitedly and said, “Great Idea!”
The trees large trunk stretched straight up into several branches. Three in particular lengthened out into the perfect spacing for the wood platform. The tree would have been impossible to climb if it weren’t for the smaller branches that poked horizontally out every few feet.
As Bree reached up to climb the tree, Danny tugged at her shirt. She whispered, “Let’s get this over with.” Bree and Danny had left the house just before six. The days were getting shorter everyday and Bree knew that Danny had a point.
Bree answered, “Oh, alright.” She called up the tree, “We are going to check out the house before it gets dark. You can just watch us from up there if you’re too scared.”
Bree watched as Brady dropped his hands to his side and looked appalled at such an accusation. Brady yelled, “Yeah right,” as he quickly walked to the side of the platform where a larger branch stood.
Kevin climbed down branches as if he’d done it a hundred times while saying, “I knew the Angle girls weren’t scared of anything, but I gotta say, I’m impressed.” When he reached the bottom he hopped down and turned to Danny and asked, “How old are you anyway, Danny?”
Danny blushed, looked down at her feet, and answered, “Ten.”
Danny looked back toward Kevin as he smiled and said, “That’s impressive!”
Brady was climbing down the tree, obviously trying to look as graceful as Kevin. When he reached the last horizontal branch he leaned out to grab it with two hands. He swung his feet like a pendulum but as he did he lost grip of the branch and landed in a crumpled mess on the ground. He quickly popped up trying to look like he did it on purpose.
Bree rolled her eyes and Danny snorted out a quiet laugh, cupping her hands over her mouth.
Kevin clapped his hands together and asked, “Are we ready?” Then he winked toward Danny who was still trying to control her laughter.
Brady answered, “I’m ready. We should have done this a long time ago.”
Bree rolled her eyes again this time hoping Brady would see her disdain. Once again, Brady the self-centered, Bree thought.
Brady turned toward the house and began walking. Bree, Kevin and Danny followed. Kevin, who was already next to Danny, said, “Let me know if you don’t feel like looking at a stinky old house. I’d rather watch from the tree anyway.”
Bree cringed at the idea of her and Brady having to look at the house together and quickly said to Kevin, “I’ve got her.”
“Either way,” Kevin said as he shrugged. Then he jogged ahead to catch up to Brady.
Danny walked with lightness to her steps and said to Bree, “He’s just being nice. Besides, it’s just a house.”
Bree got a sneaking suspicion that Danny was trying to convince herself.
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