Taking a parenting class is like buying a really cool bike that hasn't been assembled for you child. The moment they open the box they want to grab the handle bars and run out to the driveway and start pedaling. But they immediately start to realize that they can't use it until much effort has been put into making it work.
After each parenting class I would run home and say, "Ok, here's my new parenting technique, so bring it on kids!" I'd watch my kids, scrutinizing every move so I could find an opportunity to correct. I eventually realized that the bike was missing a bolt here or a pedal there. I'd come back to class somewhat frustrated and with grease all over my face and hands.
Well, all the effort in the world was not going to work if my focus was on what the kids were doing wrong when they got on that bike. I had to look at it differently. I had to stop looking at what was wrong and start helping things go right. I had to stop counting how many times they wrecked and start counting how many they got back up. Even more importantly, I had to start seeing my kids good choices and not wait around for their bad ones.
Now ask any parent who has had to teach their child to ride a bike. Were they running next to their pedaling child to help them fall when they let go? Or were they running next to them to help things go right?
The lesson learned for me is to ask myself when things are going rough in a relationship, am I focused on what's wrong or am I helping things go right?
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That is very well said! I am loving this class. I have always been really good about making comments to them every day when i saw them share, play nicely, etc. But what I wasn't good at was when they were bad, I could blow up very easily and totally loose my cool. This class has helped so much. i have lots more to learn but I feel more at peace, learning what I'm learning. I'm glad I get to take it with you! Thanks for telling me about it. Love you, and keep writting, I check yours more than once a day just to see if you have written something.
ReplyDeleteThis were a wonderful prose. You can really put that pen to paper. I learn so much from you!! Keep getting back on that bike!
ReplyDeleteI love the way you describe things. The bike analogy just makes sense. And it can help in any type of relationship. Thanks Harmy!
ReplyDeleteWhat does that mean, "this were a wonderful prose?" Ok you know what I meant. Anyway, I read your bike analogy again, this time farther away from the actual image of your kids learning to ride and a few more things that have passed under the bridge since I first read it and this is what I think now. It goes along with your despair post. If you concentrate on the DARK side, the dark side you will receive. But if you stay closer to the LIGHT, are willing to admit there is LIGHT SOMEWHERE out there, you will not only see LIGHT but you will be able to view more of what is around you and HOPE and LOVE and FAITH will prevail. My favorite thing is the awakening I felt when I read, "Were they running next to their pedaling child to help them FALL when they let go?" It really made me think, Harmony. Thank you for your expressive mind that you are really using toward a worthy cause.
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